THE GULF GAFFES - Not Just For Laughs

Yaqoub's Odyssey

2008-11-08T01:01:00.000-08:00

He rode his camel through the voids and the dunes
Avoiding the chilly nights and the desert's unearthly tunes.
Perhaps someone awaited him back at home
Perhaps like nomads, he too was going to roam
Yaqoub's eyes gave nothing away.

Braving through paths leading to nowhere
Irking the life forms no matter how rare
Reminiscing his life as a parentless child
Thrown out to survive in the wild.
How cruelly could these human hearts beat
Deeds of a barren soul die deep in the desert heat
Adversity teaches you to survive through thick and thin
Yaqoub learnt it the hard way, paying for someone else's sin.

Seldom do stories of such men reach the human ear
Alone being their all - their near and their dear.
Nevertheless the morale of this story
Always may we all be there through your days of worries and glory.

2008-09-02T20:29:00.000-07:00

Salamu alaikum Wa rahmat ullahi wa barakatahu

Hear iz fishing you all a berry habbie ramadhan *with a nasal twang*

Greedings from near and far ones to all our muslim brothers and sisters in each and every bart of zi world.

Keep braying in the holy month of Ramadhan ! and May Allah anzer all your brayers.

Take care and drive safely
From Yin and Yank

Radio Khalli Walli

2008-05-26T02:26:00.000-07:00

Marhaba! Hala Hala! Maafi Mushkila!! Keif Halek? You are listening to Radio Khalli Walli and this is RJ Bandar bresenting you tob of the hour on brimetime 4 BM to 7 BM.

We shall now have a word from our sbonsors. SheikhEatA Banana - 1 banana, 2 banana, 3 banana, 4 banana! Lots of bananas, yum!!!

First of all, lets see whats habbening in the news.
In Local news.

the King sends greetings to King of Yo Man on the habby occasion of the birth of his son, Brince Alwaleeed , 98th in succession to the throne.

The King also sent greetings to Brince Rahman bin Asif bin Rashid Al Khaleej of Crater on the joyous event of his 31st marriage.

In other local news,

The King received a delegation of the Federation Of Oil Limited Syndicate to bush forward a brobosal to increase oil outbut to increase income as suggested in a rebort by consultants Earnest Tongue.

The Crown brince has returned from his tour of Switzerland yesterday and will resume office from next week.

The King visited Ali Baba Clay Factory and was gifted a clay bust of himself by the overjoyed citizens working there.

There was a fire in a skyscraber in central town. The fire has caused damages of over LSD 50 as the firefighters brisk resbonse brevented any further damage.

Meanwhile famous singer Fancy has been banned from berforming next week in the Kingdom due to her indecent dressing sense which bordered to the extreme in her recent abbearance in a sleeveless gown.

Thats the local news.

In regional news, A labourer murdered his embloyer because of allegations of non-bayment of salary for six months. This is the third time someone from the labourer's country has committed such a gruesome crime and hence a new law has been brobosed to ban citizens of the country in question.

On a similar note in the country of Khaboos, a maid has been sentenced for 50 lashes for having comblained about her mistreatment by her embloyers. The court has bunished her on the count of running away from a citizen's home without bermission, sitting in a taxi driven by a man unrelated to her and going to another unrelated man's house (who turns out to be the ambassador of her country as our sources tell us). Such vulgar behaviour will not go unbunished was the statement issued.

In world news, an earthquake measure 9.5 on the Richter scale took blace in another continent. Thats all for the moment in news.

We shall now have a word from our sbonsors. SheikhEatA Banana - 1 banana, 2 banana, 3 banana, 4 banana! Lots of bananas, yum!!!

That was our sbonsors word. Back to the show yaani, our field reporter Aman went down to the Mall Village to talk to our listeners.

RJB: Helu! Aman you there?
RJA: Yes Bandar! I am at Mall Village and this place is full of people shopping and walking around as this is the second sale of the year aptly titled Second Month Sale. People do check out our sponsor's shop - Al Fana Showrooms. They are holding their closing sale which they have successfully organised for the past 20 years.
RJB: I always been going there as a kid. Do check out. I used to flick stickers from the chewing gum as a kid there, and would always get caught.
RJA: Haha! Anyways, I see some curious people here and lets ask them some questions. If you are listening to this show, come down to Mall Village and be part of it and win prizes from our sbonsor including air tickets.
RJA: Helu! Your name?
Bystander: Rasheeeed.
RJA: Rasheed, what do you do?
Bystander: I keep books.
RJA: Interesting, we have a librarian with us.
Bystander: Maafi librarian, I accountant.
RJA: Oh! Anyways, an accountant means you can answer this question for us- What is the currency of Israel?
Bystander: American dullar...
RJA: Thank you for your response. Lets move on to our next friend here. Hi! Your name?
Bystander: Ferdinand DeCosta Ma pang
RJA: You are from?
FDMP: Filling pints. Woking ere in MacoPrawns.
RJA: Oh!! Yum! While you sit there Bandar, I shall eat up here. Can I have a Delux Burger?
FDMP: Vit pries? U won to supersie meal? mum? vit prench pries? poteto chips? mum?
RJA: Umm.. that thing
FDMP: Yes mum. One meal- delux burgar, prench pries, jumba cooco cola . Thats pipty LSD. Tokway or here?
RJA: umm.. that ll be take away.
RJA: While I gorge on this delicious meal, over to you RJ Bandar.

We shall now have a word from our sbonsors. SheikhEatA Banana - 1 banana, 2 banana, 3 banana, 4 banana! Lots of bananas, yum!!!

Helu! How bitiful tat I am sitting here while she eats there. Viewers if you feel bad for me, SMS me at 342342 through Vodabone numbers, 12312 through Vain numbers, 4324 for Yetisloshed numbers. Ill be waiting for your smses. yo! yo! lets begin the countdown for the tob ten songs of the week...

DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of FICTION and nothing is based on real things, people etc yackety yak yak and thats not how GULF Radio channels sound like so don't sue us. If it does, its mere coincidence ;)

Flying with any Arab Airline....

2008-01-17T07:15:00.000-08:00

Zis is your captain Abdullah al-ahmed al-ghamdi welcoming both seated and standing bassengers on board.

We abologize for z five hours delay in taking off. It was due to bad weazer and some overtime I had to stand in line at z bakery ordering Kaak.

Zis is flight 717 to Byerain Internasional Airbort from Al Sahib Al Samuh Malik Abdul Aziz and Custodian of the two holy mos-queues,Dschidda Airbort. Landing zer is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere near Manama.
Zis airline has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are high maintenance zat even terrorizts are afraid to fly wiz us!
It is wiz bleasure I announce zat, starting zis year, over 30% of our bassengers have reached zeir destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on bassenger request, we can arrange to turn zem off in order to make sure you are feeling comfortable!
We regret to inform you, zat today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from z television and censor it.
Zere is no smoking allowed in zis airblane. Any smoke you see in z cabin is only z early warning system on z engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as bossible for z best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-bilot sometimes flies right through z landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an ubright bosition for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For zose of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to z arm of your seat. And, For zose of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch wiz a stewardess who will exblain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.
Sanking you all for choosing zis airline to fly for z for once in a lifetime experience.
I Wish you a nice trib.
Regards from ..
Captain Abdullah Al Ahmad Al Ghamdi

False Alarm!!!

2007-12-29T06:42:00.000-08:00

But yah! All set for the historic visit of George Bush to the region

Similarities b\w Gulf and Kerala

2007-12-24T16:45:00.000-08:00

You are from the Gulf when......

2007-12-23T07:23:00.000-08:00

1) A three course meal meant fries, burgrers and bebasi.

2) You think black is appropriate daytime wear though its damn sunny outside.

3) Rain is still one of the most wonderful sounds in the world.

4) Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the housekeeper

5) You go to a shop that says "Everyone 2 SR".

6) You wear sunglasses in the evening when you get out.

7) You go to a shop having a sale and you end up asking for a discount.

8) You secretly wished the rulers of other Middle Eastern countries would die so that you got days off school.

9) You know the true meaning of "football." (and in your mind can hear the shout, "GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")

10) You have sat in a "men's" or "women's" section in an airport, hospital, or restaurant.

11) You have ever had to wait for prayer call to be over to finish shopping.

12) You watched Captain Majid. And you wanted to be just like him.

13) You know a friend who won a free car from the local mall. Twice.

14) You treasure nothing as highly-valued commodities.

15) You couldn't help but giggle when a couple Americans flying on Saudi Arabian Airlines for the first time nearly pissed their pants upon hearing the Arabic audio recording of the Muslim prayer for travel played on the loudspeakers just before take-off.

16) You get holidays for all the festivals of the world.

17) You're shocked that nobody will pump your gas for you outside the Middle East.

18) You drank sun-top for lunch, dinner and breakfast hoping that you would get a new sticker every time.

19) Bebasi (Pepsi) was cheaper than water. So was gasoline.

20) You turn on the hot water tap in order to get cold water in the summer.

21) You go to a baqala to do grocery shopping for a month.

22) You put the AC on high cool, take three blankets and go to sleep.

23) You had to learn Hindi/Malayalam to buy anything at the corner grocery store or to tell the taxi driver where to drop you off.

24) You showed off at home that u knew how to speak in arabic wen all u knew was asak, masalama and kaif al haal.

25) There are no lines at amusement parks. Push, shove, and run your ass off to get the bumper car before the other guy.

26) The best Arab restaurant in every city south of Syria was Yamal Ash-Sham.

27) Stores closed during prayer time.

28) Restaurants had ladies sections. Swimming pools had women-only times.

29) Most people on the road don't realize there is a speed limit. Neither does the police.

30) Pokemon was banned because the character was a PIG.

31) Bizza Hut had beef bebberoni.

32) You've seen a sword dance. At a wedding.

33) You rode ATVs, dirt bikes, and jet ski's... when you were 8 years old.

34) You call a chicken/beef burger a hamburger.

35) You root for Saudi Arabia every World Cup... and when they are eliminated, you root for Brazil.

36) Your dad swears at you with words that affect himself (Ibnil kalb which means son of the dog).

37) You ask your Dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school and in those days riding a bus was also expensive and that we as 'kids in the gulf' should be grateful for the luxurious life they are providing you with.

38) When you go on a date you start thinking of lousy places where nobody would go to so you wont bump into family or friends.

39) Every time you fly back home you meet relatives you never knew existed, and they look nothing like your family.

40) When you FLY BACK home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport with garlands.

41) You are used to seeing Arabic commercials dubbed in British English about Lux soap, Carnation condensed milk and Dove shampoo.

42) Your best friends are from 5 different countries.

43) Your wardrobe can only handle two seasons: hot and warm.

44) Your house has a home theater system even though the room is 4 x 5.

45) Networking sites like Orkut and hi5 are blocked because the government net portal thinks its porn !

46) You pronounce your p's as b's (bebsi and bolice).

47) Everyone is a family friend.

48) The only rap you know is 50 cent.

49) Your peaceful solution for fights with Arab kids was a game of cricket.
50) Your conversations in Ramadan was always about food.

The Kick Off!!!

2007-12-23T05:20:00.000-08:00

We arent as football crazy as the rest of the Middle East
but will try to humour you, at the least

Meet Yin from Dschidda and Yank from Beyrain
From controversy, we shall refrain.

Life in the Gulf and its lighter side
Nothing short of a rollercoaster ride.

If Falafel and shawarma ring a bell
Sitting in the Summer Sun left you sweating like hell

Mabrook, Shukran and Ahlan are greetings you hear
Missing the primetime show on TV your greatest fear.

Renting DVDs from your local store meant family movie time
Retrospection meant sheesha with double apple or lime :)

If you get a gist of what we have to offer,
Hop onto this ride [Please chuck your chauffeur].